Decisions

There are some definitive moments in all our lives when we are forced to make a choice.  I’m not talking about which shoes to buy or what to watch on the idiot box.  I’m talking about those moments when your decision is going to change the course of your whole life.  For some, it might be the decision to get married, have children, buy a house or any other manner of massive decisions.  These types of choices never bothered me.  I got married without too much thought to be honest and the progression to having children and buying a house seemed natural.  While my friends were commenting about how my life was changing, I didn’t feel like it was really that big of a deal.  Nothing much bothers me for too long actually but that is a topic for a different post.  I want to talk about making decisions.

choice

I decided to get married.  Without going into too many specifics, I was pregnant, young and frightened. I felt like it was expected of me to marry the father of my baby.  He was a good man and I thought I loved him at the time so we got hitched.  Everything was peachy…on the outside.  After probably about ten years, three children and three houses later, I started to question my life choices.  Never my children but definitely my marriage.  The weird thing is though; I only ever questioned them internally.  At no time did I talk to my friends and family about how I was feeling.  Sure there were times when I would whinge to my mother about my husband but it was always superficial stuff that all wives complain about.  No one knew how I was really feeling, except me.  I chose to keep it to myself because I didn’t want to rock the boat or hurt any feelings.  People thought my life was perfect.  My decision to keep it to myself was fine by me because I worked through the feelings, justified them away and let them go.  A skill that I learned from a young age.  I decided to stay married.  Even this decision wasn’t one of those life changing decisions that I was talking about.  I think I’ve only ever had one of those (as I said, nothing is much of a big deal for me). 

My life changing decision came after the death of a friend who was not much older than I was at the time.  I was in a marriage that I didn’t want to be in anymore and was waiting until my children had left home to tell my husband but the death of Debbie was a kind of breaking point.  I wanted my life to change then and there so I made it happen.  I told my husband of over 20 years that I didn’t want to be married to him anymore.  There is no pleasant way to do that by the way.  It felt exceedingly selfish to say because it hurt him but made me feel better…instantly.   It felt very ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ and I never in a million years thought I would have the courage to do it.  But I did.  At the time, I had no idea the events that would be set in motion by my decision but it was the right decision for me.  It has allowed me to take the next step on my life’s path.  I thought that the next stage of my life would be taken solo but the universe had other ideas and has guided me towards my twin flame. 

For the first time in my life, I feel excited about my future and the possibilities that lie ahead.  Who would have thought that ONE decision could literally change the direction of every single facet of one’s being?  I guess that’s why it’s called a life changing decision but I never really understood what that meant until I actually made one for myself.  Have you had to make your life changing decision yet?  If yes, good for you.  If not, it’s coming!  Listen to the universe and trust yourself. universe

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